My Experience
Ever since I was 15 years old, my body clock
has been set to "nocturnal". I'm happiest if I go to bed at 3am and
wake up naturally at 12.30pm. If I try to go to sleep any earlier, I just lie
awake, not remotely sleepy and only drop off when I reach my natural bedtime in
the small hours. If I try to get up any earlier, it's not a matter of being
"a bit tired"; I am barely able to function. I feel groggy, find it
hard to concentrate and develop flu-like symptoms of aching joints and a
pounding head. Having a nap brings temporary relief, but I'm back to square one
the next night.
This caused enormous problems at
school: I was getting less than half the 12 hours of sleep I needed and I would
wander around in a daze, not taking anything in. In my fog of exhaustion, I
found the classroom noise overwhelming. Soon I dreaded mornings and started
having panic attacks. I used to creep down at night to watch television and
read. My mum would get annoyed but she knew as well as me that there was no
point trying to sleep because she had the same problem, never rising before
11am. This was fine for her as she is a painter and can work her own hours.
But still I wondered why I couldn't
alter my body clock. I knew it ran in the family on my mother's side – as well
as my mum, my granny had it, and my uncle never went to bed before 5am, but
that didn't make it any easier to cope with. I have tried everything to change
my sleeping habits – retraining myself by going to bed 15 minutes earlier each
night, sitting in front of a light box in the morning, using lavender candles
and cutting out caffeine – but nothing has worked.
No one realised I would be
perfectly happy if I stuck to my natural body clock. Eventually I was allowed to have classes in the
afternoon with a home tutor, which was a huge relief. This enabled me to pass
my exams and get a place at university, but once there, the problems started
again. At first I forced myself to get up for 9am lectures, but after five
mornings I was crying from exhaustion. I developed coping strategies such as
researching the topics on my own and choosing courses with afternoon lectures,
and passed my masters with distinction. It was a moment of triumph for me,
proving I had resourcefulness and determination after all these years of being
misunderstood and called lazy.
